In Genesis 1, we learn of God’s authority in the context of God’s goodness, and that should shape the way we represent God in our use of parental authority.
Intro
The “Gospel Shaped Home” podcast is a family discipleship resource from Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh, North Carolina. It aims to equip you and your family to be on mission with God, to the end of the street, and the ends of the earth.
Andy Owens
Welcome back to another episode of “Gospel Shaped Home.” I’m Andy Owens, Pastor of Family Discipleship here at Providence. And today, I have great privilege to introduce to you, our listeners, a long time friend, brother, pastor of mine, and a friend of Providence for years, and that’s Chip Bugnar. Chip, welcome.
Chip Bugnar
Thank you, Brother. Thanks for having me on the show.
Andy
Yeah, so glad to have you. So Chip is calling in from Birmingham, Alabama. Now Chip, everyone listening may not know who you are. Tell us a little bit about your connections with Providence, back in the day, and where you’re at now. Tell us about your family.
Chip
Yeah, I’d love to man. So back in 1999, I was at NC State University, and my wife and I attended a… I don’t even remember what kind of dance it was at the time, but some kind of dance that Providence was hosting in partnership with Campus Crusade. And met Dave O. and Julie, and man, a year later, we’re getting married. And Dave O’s helping officiate at the wedding. And I’m on staff there as a college intern and go through seminary at Southeastern, Beck and I, and then, start having kids. Now, man, 20 years later, we’ve been married, we’ve got Emma, who’s 15, about to turn 16, Ellen, who’s 14, Benjamin, who’s 12, and Samuel, he’s 11. So we got four kiddos. The journey with Providence was awesome. We got to see God’s blessing during the season of college ministry. I was the college pastor there, and sent out by Providence to engage the nations. And went to an unreached people group in Central Asia and was able to partner with Providence in some of those ways. And just been so blessed, so glad to be able to be a part of this.
Andy
Well, praise Him for His grace, and I can personally, like many at Providence, can just thank God for his kindness to me, through you and your family, Brother, your ministry. And for those of you who are listening and don’t know, actually, Chip and his family and my family, we all went at the same time to Central Asia, went to training together, and his friendship… he was a little bit ahead of us marriage-wise and parenting-wise, and I learned a ton from him.
I can remember one day, this was actually in Virginia, him just saying, “I just want to just enjoy my kids more.” I was really challenged by that and really helped by it and have remembered it many times. And actually, connected to what we’re going to talk about today. We’re going to talk about something that is so significant, monumental really, in parenting, from the toddler years to the teenage years. And that’s authority, and it’s from a place in the Bible, you might not expect. Chip. Take it Brother.
Chip
Yes. I appreciate it, Brother. And I could say the same about you, Andy. I’ve learned a bunch from you and Erica. So glad to be here. But I’ve been thinking and chewing, and I think over the long haul of what we’ve done with just 15, 16 years of parenting under our belt, I think Genesis 1, actually, has become kind of a go-to for me as I think about how we use authority in the home. And really, I think about Genesis 1, and I think about this as how is the creator of the universe decided to introduce Himself to us. And you know that phrase in America, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Well, this is what God wanted to be, is our first impression of His character. And I think the key things that are bound together there, that I’ve been just trying to navigate in our home and in our church here, in Birmingham, Alabama, is the use of authority and the attachment that God has to goodness.
And so, you see this, this kind of rhythmic refrain, all the way through Genesis 1. Of God gave something through the power of His word and molding creation under the authority of His word. But He particularly has a goal in mind, that God saw that it was good. And He keeps saying that every day, except for day two. And then, He allows mankind to enjoy his rest on that Sabbath Day. And you just see this dispensing of good attached to his use of authority. I think there’s all kinds of ramifications for that. But you see this fatherly tenderness coming out. And God, that He knows what we need, and He’s providing that good. He’s seeing to the good in having what’s beneficial for mankind in view, as he exercises His authority and molds creation to bend to His will. And so, that’s what I’ve been chewing on.
Andy
You used that phrase, He will see to it, in Genesis 22, when this narrative of Abraham and Isaac, and where Abraham actually names God, calls upon him as Jehovah Jireh. It’s the verb, he sees, just like we have here in Genesis 1. And it’s that same idea that he doesn’t just recognize or see something good. He sees to it. He gives it. He provides it, just as though there’s a huge weight, kind of like a dump truck unloading every time. And Genesis 1 says, “And God saw that it was good.” It’s not just, hey recognition, but like I’m the one lavishing this good. He’s dispensing it. And I’ve heard that a lot from you, Brother.
Chip
Provision and recognition. Yes. It’s so good.
Andy
So what does that have to do with parenting and authority in the home?
Chip
Yes, good question. So one thing I thought about was the Lego movie. I don’t know if our listeners have seen that movie, but it becomes a commentary on the use of what’s already there at the end. And there’s a father and a son at the end. One guy is perceived as a tyrant and he’s Lord Business. And he is trying to shape the world and bind the world to his vision. And it’s very authoritative, very oppressive, more like Pharaoh in the Bible. His too use of authority. But then, you see these master builders tapping into their creativity to create, not only what’s there in the world, but use it to create even different things and mold them with creativity to do something fun in the world. Not just this cookie-cutter mentality that Lord Business wanted.
And I think that that has become a helpful paradigm for me. Like if God decided to introduce Himself to us in fatherliness, Genesis 1, to be good King, good and authoritative. I think for parenting purposes, there’s a uniqueness that comes in. Because as sinners, we… In Genesis 3, Satan introduced this divide between God’s goodness and God’s authority. So he put a divide in each mind between holiness and obedience and happiness. And that’s when we went awry and went astray. And I think our kids and us, as parents, are actually dealing with that all the time. That dynamic of have we grown suspicious of God’s use of authority. When he tells me, no, do I trust that no is best for me? When my dad or my mom, as a kid, they wouldn’t be articulated in this way. But when they look at our authority, do they sense that even in the yes or in the no, they know that we have their best interests at heart? Does that make sense?
Andy
Yeah, it does. The fact that God has said, from every tree of the garden, you may eat, but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you may not eat. He just… wild provision. Whereas when the tempter comes, he twists that and turns it to, has God really said you can’t eat from any tree of the garden? He’s trying to portray God as narrow-hearted, miserly, stingy Scrooge.
Chip
Yes, that’s right.
Andy
Whereas God is portraying himself as a generous wide-open hearted, open-handed Father who gives and gives and gives. That’s good. And so you’re saying our parenting should be more like God actually is, than like Satan wants us to view him.
Chip
Yes. And I think for me, that’s come down to… you can’t focus on the act of obedience and you expect that as a parent. That’s what God expects of our kids, is to honor father and mother. And so, you can narrow in on that act. But I think what Genesis 1 has helped me see is there’s an atmosphere in which that act makes sense. Like if I’m Pharaoh, if I’m oppressive in my use of authority, if my kids don’t enjoy living in our home to some degree, then there’s a suspiciousness that starts to grow in their heart. And they start to refrain from obeying because they don’t tangibly feel that this is going to be good for them.
Andy
Yeah. Yeah. There’s a brother that we both know, who, he once told me, at the heart of our parenting, there’s really two questions that our kids are asking, even if not explicitly. They’re asking, do you love me? Like, are you for me? And can I do whatever I want? It’s really these two things that you’re getting at. It’s like, okay, am I safe with you? Are you creating that atmosphere of warmth and provision and love? And can I just go my own way and do what I want? And the recognition, no, I can’t do whatever I want is a lot easier pill to swallow when you recognize, but you love me and you want my good.
Chip
Yes. Yes. That’s right.
Andy
Okay. So let’s talk practical though. How does this play itself out when you’ve got a toddler or when you’ve got a teenager? We have folks listening who have both, I think. So…
Chip
Yeah, I think it comes down to what you mentioned earlier, Andy. In the times that aren’t disciplinary, are we enjoying our kids? Are we engaged with our kids? Are we listening to our kids? That’s something I’ve been struggling with, of just giving my ear. Do they know that I’m there with them? I think that’s one way that atmosphere of change cultivated, is that we are tangibly there for them. We’re present.
Another way I’ve been thinking about man… We just dealt with the issue of lying in our home, and it made us… Two of our sons kind of conspired together to lie about this situation that was grievous to us. And they could tell it was grievous to us. And it broke our relationship. Because we thought we were cultivating an atmosphere that they felt like they needed to lie, they were fearful of the consequences. They didn’t trust the consequences would be for their good, that we ended up showing them grace in that moment. Instead of disciplining them in ways that we sometimes would have in a different season. And I think that was just one tangible way. Whether on the Judgment Day, we’ll decide if that was the right move or not. But that’s one way we’re trying to create the atmosphere of, we’re for you. We are for your good. So those are two ways I’ve thought about. What about you, man?
Andy
Yeah. This is really helpful. I think when you were talking about being available and connected, I think just trying to always increase the volume. Not like how loud it is, but the amount of communication with our kids is really important. And this is actually a negative example of me failing in this. Lately, I’ve realized with my youngest child, Micah, there’s been this one circumstance where we regularly at the end of the day, find ourselves in the same room. And I’m checking the news or something on my phone, and he’s wanting to talk to me. And I see in my heart, I’m divided. And there are thankfully, thankful to God for His grace, there are times when I recognize, hey, I just need to put my phone down and whatever I’m looking at right now, whether it’s news or sports, it’s not nearly as important as my son feeling like I’m interested in what he’s telling me about.
And so, I think keeping those lines of communication open and active helps to cultivate that atmosphere that you’re talking about. I think fun, like playing games, reading books. We read the Bible together. We read books about the Bible together or kids books that explained Bible stories. But we also, we read fairytales together and chapter books that are long stories together. Just things that we can get excited about together. That’s one specific thing we’ve done, I think, for them to feel like, hey, this is a place where I want to be.
Chip
Yeah, that’s a great word.
Andy
Anything else, Brother, any final word on this topic on how the goodness of God connected to the authority of God shapes our role as representatives of God, to our children?
Chip
Great summary of the whole time, Brother. I think that’s to…. I think the word that I thought about was, is there a wooing sense to your authority in your home? Is there a kind of winsomeness to how you’re exercising authority that would woo your child’s heart to be under it? I think that’s what we see in Genesis 1. We see a great vision of God who has winsomely shown that He is for our good. And He uses His authority for our good. So just obey him in like manner.
Andy
Amen. Yes, and may by His grace, our children look at us and recognize that the authority that God has put over them in mom, dad is a gift. And may they be grateful for it and trust it. So Chip, thank you so much, Brother, for joining us and sharing some of this with us.
Chip
Thanks for having me, man. Hey Providence.
Andy
Yeah. Thank you. Our listeners for joining and we’ll see you next time.
Outro
Thanks for listening to this episode of the “Gospel Shaped Home” podcast, produced by Providence Baptist Church of Raleigh, North Carolina. For more information and resources from Providence, visit us online at pray.org. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please consider subscribing and leaving a review on the Apple Podcasts.