The aim of parenting is disciple-making, and we can only pursue that goal with joy and patience as we rest in God’s abiding presence and power.
Intro
The Gospel Shaped Home podcast is a family discipleship resource from Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh, North Carolina that aims to equip you and your family to be on mission with God, to the end of the street and the ends of the earth.
Andy Owens
Welcome back to another episode of “Gospel Shaped Home.” I’m Andy Owens, pastor of family discipleship. And once again, I’m joined by my brother, Dave Owen. Dave, welcome back.
Dave Owen
Hey, Andy. Great to be with you.
Andy
Thankful for you, man. So today, if you are struggling, if you are burdened, if you are overwhelmed, exhausted, or discouraged as a parent, and we all are at times, this chapter is full of good news for you.
We’re at chapter 13 of Paul Tripp’s book “Parenting,” and it’s titled “Rest.” He says, “It’s only rest in God’s presence and grace that will make you a joyful and patient parent.” Now, Dave, how in the world can we rest as parents? Because parenting is a taxing and tiring endeavor.
Dave
Yeah, I have no idea. Because I’m exhausted. It’s a great chapter. I love… It’s a reminder. I think it’s one of those chapters where, if we took a test and had to answer the questions, we might get it right in theory through that, but in practice, day in and day out, I think so many… I’ve experienced it myself personally, my wife has, many of our friends have, just a total exhaustion in parenting.
Andy
You feel like you got to throw your hands up. I just can’t do it anymore.
Dave
Yep. Yep. And, so especially, and it’s been different stages. I remember my wife had a great wisdom. She said… When the kids were young, for nine years, we were in diapers. Okay? Not me and Julia, but the kids. Because the last one, on the fourth, you don’t… we didn’t potty train. We just said, “Watch your sisters.” Right? Just, we’re not going to mess with it. “So if you want to stay in the diaper for three years, that’s fine.” We were just toast, lots of lattes and espressos.
And so, it was interesting that we thought those days were really long, and we were physically exhausted. And as they got to be teenagers and could put sentences together and talk back to us, right, we were like, “Oh my goodness.” It was like an emotional and spiritual and mental exhaustion.
Andy
Sure. It’s taxing in a different way.
Dave
And so we’ve experienced both of those. And it was really interesting.
Andy
And you’re completely out of that. Right?
Dave
No. We are full-on, brother.
Andy
That’s right.
Dave
We are full-on. But it’s been fun to read chapters like this and be reminded of gospel truths that our rest… I think as you rest in Christ, resources come to parent and be fully engaged in those conversations that you’ve got to have them, with your kids to help shape.
Andy
Yeah. That’s right. I think it’s important from the beginning to say what… When we talk about rest as parents, and we’re talking about resting in God’s presence, God’s grace, we don’t do certain things as parents to feel a sense of rest. At the end of the day, like, “Okay, I did X, Y, and Z in this order and this way, so I can feel good about myself and feel at rest.”
We start from rest, because Jesus gives it freely by His grace. We rest in His work, His cross, His resurrection, the Father’s love for us, and from a place of rest and acceptance with Him, we move out towards need. And we pour ourselves out with an energy that doesn’t come from us. Right?
Dave
That’s right.
Andy
So, this is a divine and supernatural rest that leads to an ability to work that’s beyond us. So he starts talking about, we sometimes wish that the Bible was a topical guide to everything. We could just open to the right tab and say, “Oh, here’s the parenting section.”
There are some parenting passages, quote unquote, but Paul Tripp’s point is the whole Bible, inasmuch as it tells us about God, about ourselves, about our need for redemption, about Christ’s provision, about the wisdom from above by which we live, then all of the Bible is relevant for all of life, including parenting.
And so he actually says the most important parenting passage in the Bible is Matthew 28:18-20. Dave, you want to read that?
Dave
So then, “And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age.'”
Andy
Amen. And amen. My heart just sings when I hear Paul Tripp say, “This is the most important parenting passage in the Bible.” But there’s really kind of two reasons that he’s… two kind of main points of his argument here.
The first is that, as parents, our primary task, our core mission, is to raise our children to be disciples of Jesus, to point them, to call them, to invite them to willingly and joyfully live as disciples of Jesus.
Dave
Yes. Absolutely. Tremendous.
Andy
And part of disciple-making, per that passage, is teaching them to obey all that Jesus has commanded. And so I was… I remember back to before I was born again, before I came to true and saving faith. I was calling myself a Christian for several years, but I really was into resume building. I thought I was a good student. I was a good athlete, and church and Christianity was another thing to put on my resume to show people how kind of great I was. It was really my mindset deep down, but it felt like an important part of my life.
And I’m afraid that a lot of parents can unwittingly tend to think that way. And when we say “calling our kids to be disciples of Jesus,” we mean teaching them day in and day out to live all of life centered on God and his glory. Right? He has a plan for everything relating to their life, their thoughts, their desires, their choices, their words, their decisions, their relationships, their bodies, their money, their worship, their time, everything. All of life in obedience to every word that comes from the mouth of God. So how does that call play itself out in the home, Dave?
Dave
Well, I think you take this great commission, and it’s a centerpiece of raising the kids. And so it’s not just a thing that you do. And I think for a lot of parents, they’re praying genuinely for their kids to know Jesus, but I think they compartmentalize it. They say, “Okay, man, at age seven, they finally prayed a prayer and got baptized,” and then it’s just life.
And I think that the essence of the text, right, is make disciples. It’s to introduce them to Jesus and then to grow them up. And the growing-up part of that is showing them how Christ is the center of everything, their social media habits, their athletic endeavors.
I mean, I’ve had the opportunity to mentor some athletes, and they’re always like, “How do I do this as a Christian? How do I compete?” And I’m like, “Well, he says in I Corinthians 10:31, ‘Whatever you do, whether you eat or drink.'” And, I think he says, “Whether you eat or drink,” he goes to the most…
Andy
Most essential, basic. Yeah.
Dave
… basic common denominator. All the world is doing this. You do it for the glory of God. Right?
Andy
Amen.
Dave
And so, I think, from schoolwork to friendships, all of these things that teaching them to observe is showing that, how do we do that with a Christ-centered focus?
I love the part of, most people say the sun rises in the East sets in the West. Well, that’s actually not true. The sun is stable. It’s the center of the universe. We are moving. Right?
Andy
Yeah.
Dave
The sun’s not. And I think, because of the centrality of the sun, S-U-N, all the planets, they orbit correctly. And I think when the S-O-N is at the center of all of these things that we’re trying to teach our kids…
Andy
Amen.
Dave
… their planets, hobbies, friendships, whatever it is, they function properly.
Andy
They orbit around the Son.
Dave
They orbit around. Yeah.
Andy
Yeah. That’s great. It’s a good analogy. And really, this is kind of what I’ve been trying to say for the past 15, 16 months, however long I’ve been on staff, is that parenting is primarily disciple-making, for the follower of Jesus. We are seeking to introduce our kids to the Savior.
But the great commission is more than just instructions. This also comes with promise. There’s just two promises on either end of it. How does Jesus’ declaration that all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to him… How does that give us hope as parents?
Dave
Man, it gives me so much hope, because I feel so, so inadequate in parenting sometimes. And I think because, in my parenting, I’m not just trying to disciple my kids to follow Jesus. I’m following Jesus. I need to follow Jesus.
And to have the Son of God, who has conquered death, absorbed the wrath, and been resurrected… When you come back from the dead, you can say, “All authority has been given to me.” I’m going to follow Him. I’m going to lean into Him in my parenting. Not just as a pastor, not as I work in the city. No, in my parenting, I’m going to lean into Him and have His power working within me to parent.
Andy
And it’s so comforting, in that, when we feel confused, we can rest. He’s not confused. When we feel overwhelmed or perplexed, He’s not. When we’ve lost authority and lost control, He’s in perfect control.
Dave
That’s right.
Andy
And He’s on his throne like He always has been.
So, and then the other promise is that He’s with us always to the end of the age. We’re never alone in our parenting. How does this buoy us out, brother?
Dave
It comforts. Right? Matthew starts his gospel with Emmanuel. “God with us.”
Andy
“God with us.”
Dave
And he ends with, “I am with you.” Man, when you feel inadequate in parenting, to know that God is with us, by his Spirit, with his presence, it is so, so comforting. And so, parents take hope when you are walking in the Spirit and leaning into Jesus, He’s with you. He’s helping you. He’s strengthening you. He’s resourcing you. Tremendous.
Andy
And, so what he does is he walks through several implications at the last part of the chapter of, okay, if this great commission is true, and it is, then what does it mean for our parenting, really, practically nitty-gritty?
And the first one is, “You’re not going to be punished for your failure.” We all mess up. We all blow it. And the gospel brings us such comfort and hope that his blood covers every failure. We don’t need to be paralyzed by our guilt.
Dave
That’s right. Absolutely.
Andy
Second one, “You’re welcomed by grace to new beginnings.” What’s he getting at there?
Dave
Every day, new mercies. New mercies come every day.
Andy
Such freedom.
Dave
And so, don’t reflect on the past. Repent, confess, and then run forward, not backwards.
Andy
Forgetting the things that lie behind.
Dave
That’s right. Yeah.
Andy
That’s right.
So, third one, “You are not left to your limited resources.” This one, it’s kind of obvious. We kind of talked about at the beginning, where we feel at the end of ourselves, He’s in perfect control, and He’s able to… He’s with us, and He’s strong. He’s mighty, to help us. Right? And He…
Dave
That’s right. I think when you run in your own strength, you’re exhausted. But when you run, you’re still running, but you’re running from a place of His strength, you’re not exhausted.
Andy
Yeah. Next, “God blesses you with the right-here, right-now wisdom of his word.” What’s he getting at?
Dave
Right. We could spend a whole podcast on this, but…
Andy
Yeah.
Dave
… it’s the story of redemption, of His story, of His word, reminding us of the meta-narrative of the scripture. There was a creation, fall, redemption, and restoration. And when we lean into the story that He’s writing, it gives us wisdom to know God is using our parenting as a part of a greater story.
Andy
Connecting our stories, our kids’ stories, to His big story. He says, “It’s about raising children who live with a God-story mentality. It’s teaching them to think in a way that is distinctly biblical. That’s right at the center of what He’s called us to do.”
And so the key here… This is one of the things that you’re going to hear over and over and over at Providence and I’m so thankful for. It’s one of the reasons I love this church, is that we need to take time to soak in his word every day. We’re a Bible church. We’re centered on God’s word. And that’s what he’s saying here is, look, “You can’t be the parent God’s calling you to be if you don’t let His words soak in your heart and your mind.”
Dave
Yeah. One word real quick to the parents whose kids are maybe older that have a phone. We’ve created a family group text. And so we are sending every day…
Andy
Bible verses.
Dave
… scripture. It’s so fun.
Andy
That’s good. All right, next, “You do not have to load the burden of your children’s welfare on your shoulders every morning.”
Dave
Praise God.
Andy
This is probably the shortest one. It’s just that you can’t bear it.
Dave
Nope.
Andy
He can, and He is happy to do it.
Dave
That’s right.
Andy
That’s how He gets glory, is we’re weak. He’s strong. We say, “God help me.” And He gets all the praise.
Dave
Yes. Yep. No argument there.
Andy
Next one, “God will never close His ears to your cries for help.” Does God ever get tired of us saying, “Lord, I need You again, help me again?”
Dave
I get tired of asking for help, but no. I’m so glad He doesn’t.
Andy
Yeah. He says, I Peter 5, “Humble yourselves by casting all your cares on Him, because He cares for you.” Right?
Dave
Yes.
Andy
God knows it’s hard. And He welcomes our cries for help. He actually delights in us.
Dave
He does.
Andy
Trusting Him and relying on Him.
Dave
Gracious God.
Andy
And so that’s connected to the next one. “Weakness is not a curse. It’s a blessing.” Now that one is so counterintuitive. Explain, brother.
Dave
I think what it does is, it drives you to Him as opposed to running from Him. I love what he says, that “God will expose your weakness so that you will run to Him, find His help in your time of needing, grow in your street-level confidence in His presence, power, and provision.” And ultimately he’s summing up in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So good.
Andy
Yeah. And if you put your ear outward to the world and our culture, you’re going to hear, “You’re worth it. You can do it.” A message of self-esteem and building up confidence in self.
But, if we listen to the scriptures, God mercifully strips that away. Right?
Dave
That’s right.
Andy
And it’s mercy that He exposes our weakness, because then we’re in a place where we can and will trust His strength. And so he says, “It’s not your weaknesses that you should fear, but your delusions of strength, because they keep us from trusting Him.”
Dave
That’s right.
Andy
And the last one, “Success is about faithfulness, not results.” What’s he mean?
Dave
I think, in a performance-driven, result-driven culture, we take that and apply that even to our parenting. And we want and desire this result in what they look like, how they act.
I love what he said. It really is true that, good Godly, transformative parenting grows best in the soul of a heart at rest. He’s asking these questions. “Hey, listen, are you in that place, or are you not?”
And so faithfulness, I think, is practicing these things and leaving the results to God and trusting God with your kids. When we brought our kids home from the hospital, every one of them, the first thing we did, we walked in our bedroom. We laid our child on the bed. We got on our knees, and we said, “This child is Yours.”
Andy
Amen.
Dave
“You’ve entrusted us to love and care, but we’re going to fail. We’re going to… We want to be faithful, though, to try to honor You and serve You, but he’s Yours. We want to steward this gift from You.”
Andy
Amen. Amen.
Dave
And so, and I would encourage, just closing, Andy, that rest… I oftentimes thought I would… I need to go home at night, and my home is a refuge of rest, or a certain place. And I think ultimately Jesus is the place of rest.
And don’t confuse those with any other thing on the planet. To continue to start your day, end your day, in your parenting especially, because it will tax you, and it will cause you to turn and in your own strength. And it’s only going to get more tiresome.
Andy
I think, in a sense, that’s part of why God designed parenting the way He did, is so that we would come to the end of ourselves and seek his strength.
Dave
Amen, so…
Andy
Amen. Thanks, brother, for joining. And thank you, our listeners, for joining. We hope this has been an encouragement to you, and that you will hear Jesus calling you to come and to find rest for your soul in Him.
Dave
Amen.
Andy
See you next time.
Outro
Thanks for listening to this episode of the “Gospel Shaped Home” podcast produced by Providence Baptist Church of Raleigh, North Carolina. For more information and resources from Providence, visit us online at pray.org. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please consider subscribing and leaving a review on Apple Podcasts.